The Misadventures of a Rogue Hawking
by Grace Musica
Summary: [UPDATE 4.27] Writen as a birthday present to my dear friend Kou. Rating changed for language and sexual refernces (and preferences). Jim's sister comes to live with the crew... Chaos ensues. [This time: The appearance of everyone's favorite author]
1. Meet the Family

M/N: So here's the drill: I forgot my good friend Kou's birthday, so this fanfic is her belated birthday present. Happy belated birthday, short bus!  
  
Standard disclaimers apply.  
  
Includes: Author insert-ish (Kou as character... maybe guest appearances, too). Slight Melfina/Gene references (maybe more if this gets longer), and a bit of Aisha-bashing... Make that everyone-bashing. I don't discriminate, I just hate everyone.  
  
Oh! And a bonus! There are three homages in this chapter: anime, online comic, anime in that order. They should be fairly easy to pick out, so the first person to get at least two out of three correct gets a chapter dedicated to them! In order to do so, you have to review!  
  
---  
  
This is modeled after the fanfic "Once Upon a Freakin' Time", by Evadane, who modeled HERS after a "Not Too Long Ago" comic by Sarah Nobel. It's nowhere near their caliber, however.  
  
---  
  
The Misadventures of a Rogue Hawking  
  
by Gracelyn Musica  
  
Prologue  
  
Meet the Family  
  
---  
  
Subject: James Hawking, Jim to his friends. Age: 16. A boy genius, he is the son of a renound hacker known as the Computer Wizard. However, not much else is known about his real family. Since the age of 7, Jim has lived with and cared for Gene Starwind as his business partner and sidekick. In reality, Jim is the younger of two children.  
  
Why would two capable and loving parents leave their young son in the hands of Gene Starwind of all people? Well, it turns out that both Gene and Jim are the second generations working at Starwind and Hawking Enterprises, a company started by their fathers. When Gene's father died, Jim's father took him in. Conversely, when Jim's father retired, Jim went to live with Gene.  
  
It's perfectly logical and completely absurd at the same time. Only the Starwinds and Hawkings would be so thoughly screwed up in their business ethics.  
  
---  
  
When the door to 'Starwind and Hawking' opened, the small brass bell over it jingled cheerfully. The crew of the Outlaw Star perked up at the sound, hopeful for a big job. Melfina, the closest to the door, smiled and bowed politely to the customer.  
  
"Hello! Welcome to Starwind and Hawking Enterprises, my name's Melfina, may I help you with something?"  
  
The customer raised a hand under a wide-brimed hat to take off round, yellow-tinted sunglasses, revealing piercing ice-blue eyes. "Yes, I would like to speak with James Hawking please," the customer said, stuffing the sunglasses into a trenchoat hip pocket.  
  
Aisha, who was sitting at the table with Suzuka, leaned back to try and catch a glimpse of who the customer was: A young woman, maybe 18 or 19, dressed in a red trenchcoat that went down to her mud-colored boots. One hand as pushing up the brim of her brown hat while her other hand was buried deep in the pocket. A brown pack was slung across her back.  
  
"Mrow?" Aisha perked up, her cat ears turning this way and that in her curiosity.  
  
Melfina looked confused. "James...? Oh, Jim!" The dark-haired woman smiled. "I'm sorry, but Jim is currently out on a job right now."  
  
"That's fine, I can wait for him," the young woman replied, smiling back.  
  
"Please, have a seat in the living room and make yourself comfortable. May I bring you something to drink while you wait?"  
  
"Some water would be great, actually."  
  
"I'll get that for you, please, sit."  
  
"Yes ma'am."  
  
By now, the other three crew members were intently curious, but when the trenchcoat-clad woman entered, they were all the picture of innocence: Aisha was absorbed in her game; Suzuka her book; and Gene just ducked back down out of sight on the second level. The two women watched out of the corner of their eyes as the hat was swept off to reveal raggedly-cut hair the color of her trenchcoat--what Jim often refered to as "Starwind red". She smirked slightly as she put her pack down and slowly unbuttoned her trenchcoat, Gene slowly approaching the railing to peer down at the bottled redhead. When it hit the couch next to the hat, she was wearing baggy cargo jeans and a white tee with the words '3v1l l33t' scrawled in black over the front. The top of a knife protruded from the top of her boots, and a big silver gun hung at her hip on a wide leather belt. She finally plopped down on the couch, crossing her legs and running a hand through her red hair.  
  
"Kou? Koushiro, is that you?" Gene finally spoke up when he found his tongue.  
  
The newly-named Kou looked up and smiled. "Gene! I knew you had to be lurking around here somewhere, you damn outlaw."  
  
"Well, well, I'll be damned..." Gene half-ran down the stairs and the two redheads hugged tightly. "What the hell happened to my little Kou?"  
  
"Well, I'm not quite so 'little' anymore, Gene."  
  
"I can tell--you've grown into one hell of a woma--"  
  
"You damn pervert, you haven't change--"  
  
"A-HEM!" Aisha cleared her throat loudly, and everyone looked at her.  
  
"Oh! Kou, this is Aisha and Suzuka, two of my crew members, guys, this is Kou Hawking."  
  
"Mrow? Hawking?" Aisha's ears did a 180 to perk towards the girl.  
  
Kou nodded. "I'm Jim's older sister--adopted older sister, but older sister none the less."  
  
"Weeeeeell, Jim shouldn't be back for quite a while." Gene smiled brightly at Kou. "Would you do a favor for me?"  
  
Kou sighed. "Jim's gonna be mad if we blow something up again..."  
  
---  
  
Jim stood outside, staring blankly at his business/home across the street. Black smoke was rising from either the roof or from behind the building. He hoped it was the latter. Sincerely hoped it was the latter.  
  
Gulping, he crossed the street and walked in. Melfina greeted him at the door. "Jim! You're back late!"  
  
"Yeah, the job went longer than I expected, but I got some overtime out of it... Um, Mel? What's up with the smoke?"  
  
"Oh! Gene's trying to barbecue something... I think..." She shrugged. "And you have a visitor."  
  
"A... Visitor?"  
  
A red head popped from around the corner, eyes obscured by goggles. Their owner pulled them to rest on her forehead, blue eyes glittering. "Jimmy!"  
  
Jim stood, dumbstruck, for the second time in five minutes. "Kou!?! What the hell happened to your hair!?"  
  
"Ah, well, you know I always wanted to be a red head like Gene," she told her little brother.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
Kou shrugged. "Dad thought I should join the family business, since I'm not married off yet."  
  
"Not married yet?! You're only 18!"  
  
"I know, dude, I know." She grinned evily. "So I get to bug you instead of a boyfriend. Oh, and there's a problem with these records."  
  
"What, they're all in the red?"  
  
"That... and there's all this internet porn on the computer."  
  
It was at that exact moment that Jim Hawking decided that God didn't like him.  
  
---  
  
It'll get better, I promise. I'm just laying the groundwork right now. Review please! 


	2. Great Teacher Koushiro!

I would like to dedicate this chapter to my dear friend Toretha and to her younger sister Jenny. Although I'm sure that this will never be read by them, the original of this had me rolling on the ground.  
  
Standard disclaimers apply.  
  
---  
  
The Misadventures Of A Rogue Hawking  
  
by Gracelyn Musica  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Great Teacher... Koushiro?!  
  
---  
  
"I found a steady job I can do!" Kou Hawking's victory cry rang thoughout 'Starwind and Hawking Enterprises', causing everyone to jump and stare at one another, confused looks on their faces.  
  
Jim came out of the garage, wiping his greasy hands on an equally-greasy rag. "A job, sis?"  
  
"A job, Kou?" Gene echoed, leaning out the door in his chair.  
  
"Yes, a JOB," Kou told them sarcastically. "A PROFESSION, a VOCATION, a FIELD OF WORK, a--"  
  
"We get it, we get it," Aisha told her. "What kind of job?"  
  
"I'm going to be..." Kou took a deep breath, drawing out the tension in the room. "A TEACHER!"  
  
The room fell quiet for thirty seconds. Then Jim broke the silence by laughing at his sister. Laughing hard, turning red then finally falling on the floor and rolling around, still laughing. Gene quickly followed suit, and soon even Melfina was giggling at the prospect of Kou becoming a teacher.  
  
Kou, however, was not as amused. "Oh, so you're laughing at my dream now, huh?"  
  
"C-come ON, sis!" Jim told her, breathing hard, sitting back against the wall. "You, a teacher?"  
  
Kou crossed her arms across her chest and glared at him.  
  
"I mean, all the paperwork, the lesson plans, the parents, the kids? It's not worth it! Besides, teachers aren't paid much!" Jim reasoned with her, wiping tears from his eyes.  
  
"Not to mention the fact that everyone's IQ drops when you enter a room," Gene muttered just loud enough for Jim to hear, sending the blonde into more fits of laughter.  
  
Kou was pissed. "Watch me," she declaired before storming upstairs to her room.  
  
---  
  
A week later, everyone regretted their laughter as Kou flounced in and dropped a stack of books on the coffee table. The table jumped slightly, and Suzuka quickly snatched up her sake bottle before it tipped over.  
  
"What are those?" Gene asked, opening one eye as he napped on the couch.  
  
"Those are books, Gene Starwind," Kou told him, hands on her hips. Gene rolled over to look at her, and was a bit shocked at what he saw: She was dressed in a business suit, and had managed to fix her hair enough to make it look reasonable--she even dyed it back to her natural blonde. The most shocking thing, however, was the fact that she was wearing make-up. Behind her was a green chalkboard, making her outline stand out even sharper.  
  
"Damn, Kou, you look hot. Totally fuckable, even."  
  
Jim hit him over the head with a book.  
  
"In a very respectable, post-feminism way, that is."  
  
Jim smacked him again.  
  
Aisha looked at the stack of books. "Mathematics?"  
  
"Yes. Because you all laughed at me yesterday, I'm going to teach you a lesson--literally."  
  
"What lesson would that be?" Gene asked, cracking open a book and cringing.  
  
"The history of numbers."  
  
Jim rolled his eyes. "Okay Great Teacher Koushiro, impart your wisdom among us."  
  
Kou stuck out her tongue and tugged on her shirttails. "Now class, this is how numbers started."  
  
"When two numbers love each other very much..." Gene said, elbowing Jim.  
  
"No, Gene, numbers were invented by shepherds. Why?" Kou looked from one confused face to another.  
  
"To throw at mammoths?" Aisha suggested brightly.  
  
Kou rolled her eyes. "No, to throw at stupid cats-in-heat."  
  
"HEY!"  
  
"Counting sheep?" Melfina suggested timidly.  
  
"Yes!" Kou cried, clapping her hands together. She turned to the chalkboard behind her. "When a man wanted to count how many sheep he had, he would count them with--" She pointed at Melfina, who supplied another "Counting?" Kou drew a circle on the right half of the board and wrote 'Counting Numbers' inside it. "Correct, Mel. Now some shepherds were--"  
  
"Poor!" Aisha supplied, grinning from ear to ear.  
  
"--Yes, they had no sheep," Kou continued, glaring at the cat woman. "And they needed a way to count the unit 'no sheep'."  
  
"Is this a new and intriguing Biography of a Dangerous Idea?" Jim said quietly, mostly to himself.  
  
"So what did they need?" Kou asked, ignoring her little brother.  
  
"A sheep?" Jim suppied. Kou glared at him as well.  
  
"A... way to count no sheep?" Suzuka offered helpfully.  
  
"Yes, Suzu, they needed a way to count no sheep. They needed a... zero!" Kou turned again and drew a larger circle around the first, writing "Whole Numbers" between the two lines. The rest of the crew digested this diagram in silence.  
  
"Okay. If a man has an ugly daugher--"  
  
"He kills her and has negative daughters!" Aisha declaired, smiling triumphantly.  
  
"Wait, what? How does that make negative daughters?" Gene protested.  
  
"He's so depressed he kills his sheep and his neighbor's sheep, and has negative sheep?" she replied.  
  
"AN UGLY DAUGHTER!" Kou yelled, getting attention back. "And he wants to get rid of her. He wants her to get married."  
  
"But she's too ugly!" Aisha protested.  
  
"I still don't get it," Gene declaired. "How does that make new numbers?"  
  
"He gives his daughter to another shepherd," Kou explained, "and loans his neighbor some sheep so he'll keep the daughter. Then the other shepherd has six of HIS cows and ten of his neighbor's cows."  
  
"And-and... an ugly wife," Gene supplied, not even noticing that Kou has switched animals on him.  
  
"And in nine months, a baby boy!" Melfina said, clapping her hands excitedly.  
  
"No, she's too ugly," Gene replied.  
  
"Then the first man's cows all die." Kou, obviously making it up as she goes along, draws a third circle around the other two.  
  
"And thus were negative numbers born!" Jim exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air.  
  
The six crewmates stared at one another, scratching their heads.  
  
"No, no, no..." Kou muttered, rubbing the back of her neck. "The man with the wife..." She reached up and erased the third circle with her fingers. "Yeah. All of his kids die."  
  
"Kids, Kou?" Melfina asked, just as confused as the rest of them.  
  
"Is it because they're too ugly?" Suzuka asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Cows, I mean. Cows. All his cows die."  
  
Jim ruffled his blonde mop of hair. "Um, teach? Is it just me, or have our sheep gone though an identity crisis since the start of this story?"  
  
"COWS. All his cows die, and all his neighbor's cows that are on loan die."  
  
"So what happens to the wife?" Melfina asked.  
  
Kou chose to ignore her. "So his neighbor has negative cows." She stared at the five identical dumb faces. "No, no, you're all screwing me up. The man has an ugly wife, and he owes his neighbor ten cows."  
  
"Wow. Sucks to be him," Aisha stated.  
  
Kou turned around and redrew the third circle around the first two and labels it "Intergers", and then puts a square around the whole thing and labels the square "Rational Numbers". The first half of the chalkboard is full of scribbles.  
  
"That's weird," Gene states bluntly.  
  
Jim gives him a sideways look. "Thank you, Mr. Holmes."  
  
"Do they want to find the square room of a cow now?" Suzuka wondered aloud.  
  
"Now the cows aren't dead after all," Kou declaires, wiping chalk off on her shirttails.  
  
"Why?" Gene, Aisha, Melfina and Suzuka ask, perplexed.  
  
"Because it's the third day, and the cows were sent to save us from our sins, that's why," Jim said sarcastically.  
  
Kou threw the piece of chalk at Jim and continued with her 'lessson'. "And the ugly daughter--"  
  
"Wife!" pipes up Aisha.  
  
"--Wants some of the cows too. But, uh, her husband's too... stingy, he's only giving her part of the cow. The who--"  
  
"The WHAT?" Aisha cut her off. "I mean, I know she's ugly but!"  
  
"She's ugly and now she's poor," Gene reasoned, "so her huband doesn't want her anymore, so it's off to the brothel--"  
  
"THE WHOLE COW!" Kou shouted, stomping her foot.  
  
"OH! The WHOLE!" Aisha sighed happily. "Okay."  
  
"No, no, he's too small a piece. It's exactally the size of five plus the square root of six," Kou told her.  
  
Her five crewmates stared at her in shock. "Damn," Gene declaired. "He IS stingy."  
  
"And now she needs a number to express the amount of cow she has," Kou continued, ignoring her captain.  
  
"She couldn't just call it 'part of a cow'?" Jim asked.  
  
Kou ignored him as well. "So that's how they got irrational numbers." She drew a box on the other half of the board and scrawled "Irrational Numbers" in it.  
  
"I suspect I see a flaw in logic here, teach," Jim told her sarcastically.  
  
As an afterthought, Kou draws a bigger box around the whole thing and labels it "Real Numbers". By now, she has to stand on her toes to messily scrawl her letters. "Now."  
  
"Well, those poor sheperds wanted a way to count the sheep that they had in their imaginary flocks," Suzuka said slyly.  
  
"No, now they needed a way to count negative square roots of their cows," Kou countered. "So they made imaginary numbers." She drew a box outside of the whole mess of squiggles, down in the corner, where there was just a little bit of room left. She managed to fit the words "Imaginary Numbers" inside the box.  
  
The crew stared at the chalkboard. Then, as one, they all cocked their heads to the side, as if looking at it from another angle would help any.  
  
It didn't.  
  
"It absolutely boggles the mind what these sheperds could do when they put their minds to it," Jim stated.  
  
"Well, all they had were ugly wives and plagues that wiped out their livestock," Gene replied.  
  
"Now what, teach?" Aisha asked, grinning.  
  
Kou replies by drawing a bhuge box around everyhing. To do this she has to almost run the length of the board on tiptoes. When she was done, she managed to squeeze in "Complex Numbers". "And that, boys and girls, is how numbers started."  
  
The 'class' stared at Kou, dumbstruck. For several minutes, they were rendered mute, Jim's mouth moving but nothing coming out. Finally, Gene found his voice. "You've GOT to be fucking me, Kou."  
  
"Actaully, Mel is, but that's another story altogether," she replied smoothly, thoroughly enjoying the blush that graced the faces of the redhead and the quiet young woman. "On mathematics... yes, I am. Many cultures have their own systems of couting, most notibly the ancient Egyptians, the ancient Chinese, the ancient Arabians, and the ancient Greeks. The theory is that sheperds first implimented numbers to count their flocks so they would know if they had lost some. The Greeks were the first to extensively study numbers, but it's often the Arabians to which the number zero is atributed."  
  
The five blinked at Kou, who immediately launched into a two and a half hour, very thourough lecture on the full, accurate history of numbers. With every fifteen minutes, her class' eyes got wider. She erased the board and filled it with signs and numbers and little diagrams four times. When she finished, a hushed sound fell over the six of them.  
  
"What?" Kou asked, looking from one of her friends to the next.  
  
"Kou... How did you know that?" Jim asked.  
  
Kou scoffed. "College, duh."  
  
"But you're 18."  
  
"And Dad decided to up my studies a notch when you left. I think he got bored or something."  
  
"So what was your major?"  
  
Kou collected her books and smiled. "What do you think? Education." With that, she disappeared up the stairway, heading to her room.  
  
Jim groaned. "Great, another thing to best. First my father, now my sister. WHEN DOES IT END?!" he howled, stalking up the stairs as well.  
  
Gene, however, grinned. "God, this is going to be great... I never pegged Kou as the bookish type..." He laughed. "A classful of minions. All right."  
  
"Gene," Melfina warned, following the redhead. Aisha yawned and curled up on the couch.  
  
Suzuka continued to sip her sake. "Interesting... the history of numbers, by Koushiro Hawking..."  
  
--- 


	3. An Unexpected Surprise

I know, I've been bad and haven't been updating, but here you are, another chapter. Sorry for the delay, everyone, I hope it was worth it.  
-  
The Misadventures of a Rogue Hawking by Gracelyn Musica  
  
Chapter Three An Unexpected Surprise

-  
Ring. Ring.  
  
"Starwind and Hawking Enterprises, Kou Hawking speaking, how may I help you?"  
  
Silence as she listened to the other end of the line.  
  
Then, in a wisper, "I thought I told you never to call this line!"  
  
Immediately Jim Hawking smelled trouble. He lowered the newspaper edge just enough to stare at his bottle-redhead sister. Kou was on the regular phone, leaning up against the wall and acting downright strange. She was tugging at her hair and her clothes, and blushing like mad. An uncharacteristic, high-pitched giggle fell out of her throat, causing Jim to raises a blonde eyebrow, the glance over at Melfina, who was washing dishes. Melfina just shrugged.  
  
"Yes... yes, my cell phone please..." Kou nodded, tugging at her wide leather belt, something she only did when nervous. She turned her back to Jim and Mel, muttered something and hung up. She then sighed and slid down the wall to the floor, grinning like a fool.  
  
Something began buzzing in her pockets and she popped up, hauling a silver flip phone out of her pocket and rushing upstairs, taking them two at a time and nearly knocking Gene down.  
  
"What's up with Hurricane Koushiro?" Gene inquired, looking after his red-headed business partner.  
  
Jim sighed, frowning. He gave a rough outline of the call and his sister's strange behavior. Gene smirked. "Sounds like our little Kou's in love."  
  
"Oh, how sweet," Melfina smiled, happy for the girl.  
  
"Sweet my left foot," Jim muttered, laying his paper down. This was bad. Every boyfriend Kou had ever had ran away, leaving his sister with a broken heart. "Gillium, trace the call."  
  
"Jim!" Mel exclaimed, shaking a soapy finger at the blonde. "Kou's personal business is her own, not yours!"  
  
"Yes, but she's my sister," Jim explained. "And as a younger brother I am obligated to go though her personal business."  
  
Melfina looked pleadingly at Gene, who just laughed. "Sorry dear, but that's how it works." Gene put his arms around the dark-haired girl. "Besides, he only does it because he loves her and doesn't want her to get hurt."  
  
"The phone is issued to a Taylor Alexander," Gillium's monotone voice interrupted.  
  
"Location?" Melfina looked up at Gene, who had asked the question. 'That's right, Kou's his sister too...'  
  
"522 West Street," the can-shaped robot replied.  
  
The three humans (well, two humans, one android) sank into thought. "Hey," Gene said suddenly, "Isn't that down the street from that bar Kou is fond of, the... The..." The redheaded pilot snapped his fingers, searching for the name.  
  
"The Sweet Spot?" Jim supplied, sweatdropping at the name. "Yeah, I think you're right."  
  
"The Sweet Spot is a bar?" Melfina asked.  
  
"What did you think it was, a candy store?" Gene replied, trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.  
  
"Yes!" Melfina chirpped, not detecting anything. Jim and Gene promptly facevaulted.  
-  
Kou was out with Suzuka that night, the two of them chasing down bounty-heads for some quick cash. Suzuka came home about eleven-thirty, Kou tried to sneak in at midnight.  
  
She made it halfway across the room when Jim turned on the lights. The redhead froze mid-step, her hand tight around another girl's. The newcomer was tall and willowy, with blue-black hair, slanted eyes and a backpack slung over her back.  
  
"Kou, you know we don't mind if you have friends stay the night, there's no reason for you to slink around like you're sneaking a lover in.  
  
Kou and the bluenette glanced at each other, before breaking into giggles.  
  
"By the way, Taylor called-he wants you to call him back at soon as possible."  
  
The girl giggled and Kou nudged her, smirking. "He does now?"  
  
Jim noddeed. He hated lying to his sister, but he desperately wanted to know what was up.  
  
"Jim, this is Alex. I met her last month at the bar."  
  
Jim shook her hand. "Nice to meet you. Kou, you are filthy, go take a shower."  
  
As Kou padded off to the shower, stripping offer her overshirt, Jim bowed politely to Alex. "My sister's room is this way," he motioned for her to follow him as he picked up Kou's discarted dirty clothing that trailed to the bathroom. Falling shower water could be heard behind the wooden door, Kou's faint humming filtering though.  
  
"I apologize for Kou," Jim told Alex. "She had two brothers growing up, I think we rubbed off on her." The blonde blushed as he hurridly lifted Kou's bra from the doorknob.  
  
"It's fine," Alex replied, her voice light. "I did too. It's a... Learning experience. Legos instead of Barbies and such."  
  
Jim chuckled. "Well, here we are." He opened the door and tossed the bundle in the corner.  
  
"Thank you, Jim."  
  
Jim smiled. "Sleep well."  
-  
Giggle.  
  
'Fuuuuuuuuuck...' Jim tossed, slamming the pillow over his head. 'I know girls giggle during sleepovers, but this is fuckin' ridiculous. Another giggle and I'm putting my foot down.'  
  
However, as soon as the thought passed though his brain, a muffled shriek came from the next room.  
  
Jim throw the pillow on the floor, furious. "That's it." Gropping around in the dark, his fingers found some sweatpants, which he pulled over his boxer shorts. He stormed over to his door, wrenching his door open, stomping to the next door and opening Kou's door without bothering to knock. What he found on the other side was the most erotic scene he had evre seen laid out before him...  
  
With the exception that his sister was a participant.  
  
Kou and Alex were topless in Kou's bed, the white cotton sheets pulled around their waists. Kou's ice blue eyes were shut tight, her head thrown back, her face flushed while Alex's mouth sucked on one breast, it's partner gently being massaged by Alex's slender hand. Kou's hands were gripping Alex's long hair, which fell as a blanket over their bodies.  
  
After a few seconds, the girl realized that the door was open.  
  
"JIM!" Kou shrieked, wrapping her arms across her chest.  
  
The blonde simply stood there, dumbfounded before uttering, "I think I need a bath..."  
-  
He didn't even bother to take off his clothes: he just got in the shower with his sweatpants on, turning the water on hot, letting the scalding water fall on his dead and down his body in wet rivletts.  
  
One question went around his brain, again and again: Why?  
  
Why hadn't she told him?  
  
Fuck, why hadn't he realized it? All the failed relationships, the way she looked at certain female friends... And he had been totally oblivious.  
  
Salty tears were diluted by tap water. Why, though? Did she not trust him? She was his sister, his confidante, one of the only people he trusted with his life. And she didn't trust him? With something so trivial as her sexual preference?  
  
Maybe that was it; he realized. SHe never told him because it didn't matter. Kou knew he would never love her less because of it--it was just another faucet to the jewel called Koushiro.  
  
Calm, he cut off the water and pulled back the curtain to find dry clothing and a thick fluffy towel. He smiled.  
  
"Kou..."  
-  
Kou was standing outside the bathroom, dressed in light blue pjs and matching slippers. She didn't want Jim to find out this way, but it was a relief that he finally knew.  
  
She could hear him changing in the bathroom, and felt her heartbeat quicken. 'Here it comes... The moment of truth...'  
  
Jim had the towel around his neck, rubbing at his damp blonde hair when blue eyes met blue eyes. Silence fell between the two, and Kou cracked. "Jim, I--"  
  
Jim just took his older sister in his arms and held her tight. "It's ok, sis."  
  
Kou hugged him back, blinking tears away.  
  
"How long have you known?"  
  
"Sixth grade."  
  
Jim looked her in the eyes. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"  
  
"Do you remember when you were in fourth grade? When I got suspended for fighting?"  
  
The blonde nodded.  
  
"My best friend beat me up when I said I liked both girls and guys."  
  
Jim's eyes flared. "What was his name?"  
  
"Jim, the past is the past. It won't do any good to beat him up years later."  
  
"No... But I was afraid you'd disapprove."  
  
"Kou, Kou, Kou..." Jim hugged her tight. "Who you love is your business, unless he--or she--hurts you. Then they're fair game."  
  
Kou giggled. "Deal. And the same goes for you."  
-  
Gene and Jim were eating breakfast when Kou and Alex--actually Taylor--came down the next day, to join them. Gene smiled. "How did you sleep last night, Kou?"  
  
Jim, Kou and Taylor snickered into their cereal. "Great," came Kou's reply.  
  
Gene raised an eyebrow, but didn't press the subject.  
  
Taylor looked at her watch. "I've got to go to work." She stood and looked at her lover. "I'll see you at my place tomorrow?"  
  
Kou nodded. "I'll call you tonight," she promised, smiling.  
  
Taylor leaned forward and kissed Kou gently. "Love you."  
  
"Love you too."  
  
Taylor picked up her backpack, threw a wink in Jim's direction and walked out the door.  
  
Gene, however was floored. "What the FUCK was that?!"  
  
Kou just looked at her older brother. "I'm bisexual, Gene."  
  
Gene looked at Jim, who just shrugged and started reading his paper.  
  
Gene blinked at Kou. "Wow... That is... Really, really sexy."  
  
"Oh, that's it, I'm telling Mel. Mel! MEL! Guess what Gene just said!"  
  
Jim just shook his head and continued reading the paper as his two favorite redheads begain chasing each other around the shop.  
---


	4. Deus ex Machina

After finally getting off my ass and doing it, here you are, another chapter with a special appearance by FF.N's own Executor Zurg!  
---  
The Misadventures of a Rogue Hawking  
by Gracelyn Musica  
  
Chapter Four  
Deus ex Machina  
  
( ::smirks:: don't hurt me, Zurg)  
---  
Aisha Clan-Clan looked over her shoulder for the fourth time in about as many minutes. In the corner of her sight, she swore she saw a shifting shadow down the darkened alleyway. Ears perked for any noise, she continued towards the Starwind and Hawking building, patting down her clothes for the key to the door.

The clatter of metallic trash made the C'tar-C'tar whip around, staring suspiciously into the dark. Peering, she saw two glowing eyes and heard a faint meow echo off the walls.

Just a cat, Aisha, she mentally scolded herself, turning back to the front door. She pulled out the key, unlocking the door and slowly pushing it open so the bell wouldn't go off and awaken the household.

That's when something attacked her from behind, forcing her though the door frame and onto the floor with a bang.

---

The clatter awoke everyone, especially when the bell fell from it's place over the door to the floor with a smash.

Jim jerked awake from his place on the sofa, throwing the tattered blanket that was stretched across his waist at Kou, who fell off the couch onto the floor, fighting with the cloth over her face.

"What the HELL is going on?!" Gene roared from the second level. Jim could see his partner running a hand though his short red hair in the pale moonlight filtering though the glass windows.

"Hell if I know!" Jim shot back, grabbing the nearest weapon--the broom--and swinging it wildly.

"SHIT! JIM! Other way!" Kou yelped, turning her kid brother towards the mass of blah that was Aisha and her attacker.

SMACK.

"JIM!!!" Aisha screeched, hurling insults at the blonder and her attacker in hissing C'tar-C'tar. Jim, however, continued to smack at the writhing mass on the floor.

A light switched on for a split second before a gunshot rang throughout the building, plunging them back into darkness. "Brilliant Starwind, you shot the bulb," Kou's sarcastic voice floated over the noise, followed by Gene's eloquent retort of "Bite me, Hawking!"

Jim, however, froze with the broom over his head. In the split second the light was on, he could have sworn he saw two pairs of ears... Nah, just his imagination.

Muttering curses about certain redheaded bad shots, Kou fumbled around, searching for another light switch. She stepped on shards of broken light bulbs, cursing again as the sharp glass cut her feet. Finally, her questing fingers found another switch and the building was flooded with bright spotlights, which shocked everyone into freezing as they were:

Gene, his (still-smoking) pistol pointed in the air, half-dressed and hair a mess;

Melfina, in a long nightshirt, her arms tight around Gene, face buried in his shoulder;

Suzuka, her long robe wrapped tight around her thin frame, wooden sword brandished;

Kou, leaning up against the wall, wincing as a pool of blood slowly formed at her feet;

Jim, eyes wide, holding the broom mere centimeters from Aisha's nose;

Aisha, bruised, scratched, slightly bloody and pissed;

And a young C'tar-C'tar firmly latched around her waist.

"What the FUCK?!"

---

"Zurg? What kind of a name is Zurg?" Kou demanded, wincing as Jim pinched her leg.

"What kind of a name is Koushiro?" the blonde demanded. "Shut up."

The crew of the Outlaw Star sat in the informal living room, Kou's feet propped up in Jim's lap as he took out the slivers of glass and wrapped her bloody feet.

Zurg looked downcast, his cat ears drooping. "I'm sorry for causing so much trouble. I thought it would be funny."

"Don't worry," Gene reassured him. "Seeing Kou bleed from anywhere is always worth it."

"Well, I'll be sure to take pictures next time I start my--"

"KOUSHIRO!"

Kou smirked at the beet-red faces of her two brothers and fell silent.

Aisha was tapping her chin, thinking. "Zurg... Zurg... You mean Zurg? As in Zurg from the Academy?"

---

"Okay everyone, it's time for our lab experiment. Everyone please partner up."

The teacher, an aging C'tar-C'tar with gray in her fur glared over her wire-rim glasses. All of her students in front of her were bright and eager to start the lesson.

Well... Maybe not ALL of them...

"Aisha!" The teacher hissed, throwing a piece of chalk into the third row. It bounced off Aisha's hair with a faint 'thunk' and fell to the floor, crumbling into bits.

"If you'll kindly rejoin the rest of the class, Ms. Clan-Clan, you'll see that everyone else has partnered up," the teacher informed her scathingly. Aisha looked to both sides to find that her friends were partnered up.

Grumbling about the misfortunes of her fate, the young C'tar-C'tar stood, scanning the room for a partner-less classmate. Finally, in the back of the class, she saw an empty seat next to a pair of ears. Padding towards the vacancy, what she found was a very young C'tar-C'tar, about four or five years younger than she, with dark-colored fur and shaggy black hair. He swung his feet back and forth under his chair. "Hi!"

"Hello..." Aisha said, watching as the kit unstopped the chemical vials in front of him.

"You're Aisha Clan-Clan," he informed her. "I've seen you around," he continued, daintily dropping a few clear drops from a vial into a large beaker of green fluid.

"And you are?" she countered, watching with mild interest as the liquid turned a bright purple.

The kit furrowed his brow at the reaction, reaching for another vial. "My name... is-"

CRASH.

The entire class turned as the boy knocked over the vial of sulphuric acid, the liquid instantly dissolving though the metal desk onto the stone floor, the tiles bubbling. At the surprise of the crash, the youngster dropped the vial of purple.

Ka-BLAM.

The liquid exploded on impact, glass shrapnel flying everywhere. Aisha ducked, covering her head with her arms, and felt the boy covering her body with his own. When her senses stopped reeling, she looked up to find the kit clutching at his cheek, blood trickling though the gaps of his fingers.

"Zurg. My name is Zurg."

---

"Explains your scar," Suzuka said levelly.

"That's the best story I've heard in a long time," Gene said, his voice trembling from held-in laughter.

Kou hissed slightly as Jim swiped at her foot with a disinfectant towelette. But she was giggling. "Yes, fine, fine story."

"Zurg," Aisha asked, turning towards her fellow species and ignoring her rude crew mates. "Why are you here?"

Zurg's ears perked up. "You mean you didn't hear? Our parents arranged for us to marry! Isn't that great Aisha?" the young C'tar-C'tar chirruped, smiling so wide you could see his elongated canines.

His enthusiasm was met with cricket sounds.

"Aisha? Aisha!"

"Oh, my," Melfina exclaimed, putting a hand over her mouth as Aisha's eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed into Zurg's arms.

The three owners of Starwind and Hawking Enterprises began snickering madly. "Congrats, Zurg, you've got your hands full," Jim told the male C'tar-C'tar from behind his hand.

"Guess this means more crew, eh?" Gene asked hopefully.

"This puts me in the mood for smoothies," Kou piped up. "Nothing like a bit of sugar to celebrate a happy occasion."


	5. Happy Halloween, Starwind and Hawking Co

My last fic for at least a month. I'm participating in NaNoWriMo again this year (that's National Novel Writing Month). If you want, you can check me out at The name's G. E. Musica.  
-  
The Misadventures of a Rogue Hawking  
by Gracelyn Musica  
  
Chapter Five  
Happy Halloween, Starwind and Hawking Co!  
-  
"KOU! Door!"  
  
Koushiro Hawking came out of the garage, oil smeared on her cheekbones. "Wha?"  
  
"Door," Gene repeated, jerking his thumb at the door frame, where a young delivery man stood. The straw-haired man tipped his brown hat to her, smiling.  
  
"Mornin' Kou," he smirked, nodding slightly.  
  
"Charlie," Kou replied, nodding as well and grinning as the man handed her a clipboard. "Ooh, a present?"  
  
"Dunno, that's for you to figure out," he replied, taking the hard wooden board and smiling brightly. "Thank you ma'am."  
  
"Have a good one," Kou dismissed him, smiling as she closed the door.  
  
"See? Why can't you go out with Charlie?"  
  
"Because I like Taylor more," Kou told him in an uninterested tone, but she was flipping him off as she checked out the box. She nudged the wooden crate with the toe of her shoe.  
  
"Who's it from?"  
  
"Hell if I know." Kou shrugged, opening the attached letter. Something heavy and silver fell out of the envelope into her hand. She peered down at the metal, then read the letter. "Oh... My..." The bottled redhead was giggling madly.  
  
Bad sign. "What is it?" Gene asked, worried.  
  
"A present." Kou replied, smiling from ear to ear. "And this is a necklace." She looped the silver around her neck and smiled at Gene. "You like?"  
  
Gene smiled at his sister. "Of course."  
  
Kou rushed up to him, holding the pendant--a studded silver cross--up to the redheaded pilot for closer inspection. Gene held the heavy weight in his hand and ran his thumb over the cold metal. "Very pretty, Koushiro."  
  
The teen smiled brightly, flung her arms around Gene's neck and planted a sloppy, sisterly kiss on his cheek. "Gene... I love you..."  
  
The pilot sighed, stood and began attempting to lift the box.  
-  
"Jim! Come here please!"  
  
The called-for blonde stuck his head into his older sister's room. "Yes?" Jim smiled at nodded at the other half-resident of the room. "Hello, Tay."  
  
"Jim," the bluenette replied, wincing as her redheaded lover twisted her long blue-black hair into a tight bun.  
  
"Jimmy, how would you like to embarrass our business partner?" Kou asked around a mouthful of bobby pins.  
  
Jim perked up. "Embarrass Gene? Anything, sis."  
  
"Even if it involved you dressing up?" she asked, shoving two into place in Taylor's long, thick hair.  
  
"Ow..."  
  
"Sorry dear."  
  
"As long as I don't have to wear a dress," Jim replied.  
  
"Aw, but Jim--"  
  
"HE ALMOST KISSED ME LAST TIME! NO!" (1)  
  
"Fine!" Kou sighed.  
  
"What are you planning?"  
  
"Nothing..." Kou grinned, smirking.  
  
Jim rolled his eyes.  
  
"However, I did get a letter from an old friend today... She's fond of folklore and such..." She carefully pushed the last pin in and admired her handiwork. "Do you know what Sunday is?"  
  
"Halloween?"  
  
"Correct. All Hallow's Eve. The day before All Saint's Day, still a Day of Obligation in the Catholic Church. In medieval times it was thought that on All Hallow's Eve, Satan and his cronies would cause havoc. People would literally never sleep that night. Over the millenia, however, it turned into an orgy of rampant consumerism--"  
  
"How do you know so much?"  
  
"I know the author," she replied with a wink.  
  
Taylor smacked the side of her hip. "Stop knocking down the fourth wall."  
  
"Yes ma'am."  
  
"So, are we going trick-or-treating then?" Jim asked, getting back on topic.  
  
"You're right, Kou, he is smart for a blonde!" Taylor smirked.  
  
"Ho," Jim shot back fondly.  
  
"Sounds like a plan, ne?" Kou asked, grinning at her brother over her lover.  
  
"I'll go get some hair dye..." Jim sighed.  
-  
Sunday All Hallow's Eve was a huge problem for the Church, so they moved it to Saturday instead. This gave Kou, Jim and Taylor even less time then they originally planned on. Their plan was highly covert--meaning everyone knew about it.  
  
Finally, the big day arrived. The crate was unsealed (releasing the wrath of GOD!!!! no... wait... wrong series) its contents distributed. Everyone was given a costume (for that is what the crate contained) and one by one they gathered in the living room as the sun sank below the sky line.  
  
Suzuka was curled up on the couch, nursing a bottle of sake. While normally this wasn't unusual, the fact that she was dressed in the black and white habit of a nun was enough to crack a smile on the most stoic of faces.  
  
Melfina sat next to the assassin, fingering the wooden prayer beads attached to the nun outfit. Although she had complained enough that Jim let out the hem of her skirt out a few inches (the boy can cook, fix things AND sew? why is he still single?!), she was still worried that the skirt was short. Mel was dressed as the steriotypical 'sexy nurse', in the tight white outfit with the pointy hat, and she idly wondered what Gene would do to the Hawkings when he saw her.  
  
Aisha was dressed in her normal, everyday clothes with two noticible exceptions--huge drooping dog ears were fixed over her cat ones. She was frowning at them, grumbling about how cats were overall superior to dogs while batting at the silver tag emblazzoned 'FIDO'.  
  
Her fiancee and childhood friend, Zurg, came out of the bathroom where he had been putting the finishing touches on his outfit. The male C'tar-C'tar was wearing an old outfit of Gene's: A black tee, black pants, wide leather belt and combat boots. The astonishing feature was, however, that every inch of dark tan fur was a pale green color. "How did you do that?" Aisha asked, smiling.  
  
Zurg smiled back. Things between them since his appearance had been strained at first, but they were falling back into their old rythm, although Aisha had yet to accept him as her fiancee. "Green Kool-Aid," he replied, tucking his ears under a black wig, giving himself the illusion of having no ears.  
  
"Who are you supposed to be?"  
  
"Um..." the C'tar-C'tar considered his answer for a moment. "You know, it would take too long to explain... Just call me Roman(2)."  
  
"NO! Nononononononononono..." the tortured scream of Gene came from upstairs. The four looked at one another, eyebrows raised.  
  
Taylor giggled knowingly from her perch on the breakfast bar, holding Gillium in her hand. She was dressed in a crisp white shirt and khaki pants, leather suspenders over her shoulders and a purple tie around her neck. A large-barreled gun lay propped against the bar. "Stay still, ya tin can, or you'll lose all your feathers and get glue everywhere! Swear to God, held together by spit and prayer(3)..."  
  
"Polly wants a cracker," Gillium replied in his robotic monotone.  
  
"Oh, for Christ's sake," Jim's voice sighed from the top of the stairs. His mop of blonde hair was covered with a ratty, dreadlock-ridden black wig, complete with braids, beads, feathers, and a bone of questionable origin. A goatee and mustache was pasted on his usually fresh-shaven face, his hand resting on the cutlass strung around his waist. He was dressed in the usual pirate garb--leather boots, loose pants and shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a vest over that. He had a few gaudy rings on his fingers--loaned out from Taylor--and the whole look was tied off with a multicolored head scarf and a tri-point captain's hat. All in all, he looked 23, not 16, and was sure to turn some heads. "This is fucking ridiculous."  
  
"What is, dressing up?" Melfina asked. Normally she would have scolded the blonde for his mouth, but she agreed that this was an extreme that called for such explicatives.  
  
"That, and Gene acting a damn fool."  
  
"I AM NOT ACTING A DAMN FOOL!" came the indignant reply.  
  
"Oh shush. This just proves that you are insecure in your sexuality," Kou told him, using her newest excuse yet again and appearing next to Jim. She was wearing a black suit with a V-neck white undershirt that showed off just enough cleavage to ban her from a Disney cartoon. Dark shades covered her ice-blue eyes, and her hair had changed color yet again, this time to black. The silver chain from earlier dangled around her neck and matching crosses were sewn into the sleeves at the cuffs. A large white cross was slung across her back and she was chewing idly on the end of a candy cigarette.  
  
"Come out Gene..." Jim and Kou called in identical singsong voices, sounding very much like something out of 'The Children of the Corn'. The redhead stepped out of the shadows and crossed his arms. "I hate you all."  
  
"Let the record show that Mr. Starwind hates us all," Kou thundered out in her loudest voice.  
  
"So noted!" Taylor called from her seat.  
  
Jim rolled his eyes.  
  
The rest of the room was stunned silent as Gene descended the stairs in a rather modest dress: A long, high-collared red Chinese style dress. There was a slit up the sides to his knee, and the capped sleeves showed off both his arm muscles and orange star tattoo. Flat black slipper-shoes covered his feet. Everyone managed to keep a straight face for a full five minutes until Zurg, voice trembling with contained laughter, announced, "You know, Gene, red is the color of brides in certain cultures(4)."  
-  
Ding-dong.  
  
"TRICK OR TREAT!"  
  
The woman blinked at the myriad of adults standing on her doorstep. "Excuse me, but aren't you all a little OLD to be trick-or-treating?"  
  
"We're children at heart," Kou replied, smiling winningly at the housewife. "And if you don't believe that, consider this our trick."  
  
'And I'll be damned, it's working,' Jim thought as the woman smiled back at his elder sister. All seven of them obediently held out their sacks as the lady filled them with sugary confections before bidding them goodnight and shutting her door.  
  
"HOW do you do that?!" Jim demanded for the hundredth time as they turned back to the street, trudging next door.  
  
"The Hawking touch, my dear boy, the Hawking touch," Kou replied, putting an arm around her little brother.  
  
"Hawking touch my ass," Jim muttered as Taylor snickered.  
  
"I hope for that every night."  
  
"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" the blonde bellowed, covering his ears and blushing.  
  
Behind them, Suzuka, Gene and Mel walked in relative silence, Gene's face taking on a more natural hue. After getting over the initial shock of being out of his element (again, I dare to add. anyone else remember Jenny?), after about thirty minutes he realized that he was not the only male cross-dressing against his will tonight and that he was luckier than most--the group had witnessed no less than four men fall on their asses in stiletto pumps as the night progressed. He currently had his arm around Melfina's waist, contemplating the way things might turn out when he got out of the dress.  
  
Aisha and Zurg brought up the rear, popping candy into their mouth as they all but skipped along. If you thought drunk C'tar-C'tar was bad, just wait 'til you catch them on sugar highs.  
  
Kou snuck up quietly behind a group of children and snuck pieces of candy into their bags without their parental guardian noticing.  
  
"You know, Koushiro, the point is to keep the candy, not to give it away," Suzuka told her. Kou looked upwards.  
  
"O Lord, this world is full of prejudice(5)," she cried, raising her hands and earning odd looks from people across the street. "Gene, your turn to ring the bell."  
  
Gene sighed, blowing a stray piece of hair out of his eyes as he sullenly walked up to the door and pushed the doorbell. Music flowed from behind the door, and lights flashed on and off in the windows.  
  
"Someone's having a hoppin' party," Zurg commented right as the door opened.  
  
And there stood Fred Lowe, dressed as an elf straight from Middle-Earth.  
  
Gene's eyes widened in shock and awe. "Fred! What a... pleasant... surprise..."  
  
Fred simply looked Gene up and down and declared, "I KNEW you couldn't be gay."  
  
"For the LAST TIME TONIGHT, I. AM. NOT. GAY!" Gene shouted, punctuating every word.  
  
"Right, and how do we know you're not so deep in the closet you're finding Christmas presents?" Jim muttered loud enough for everyone to hear, and earned a good-sized bump on his head from his business partner for it.  
  
'So worth it, though,' he thought, rubbing his head as Melfina babied him and Kou covertly flipped his dress, flashing Fred a look at Gene's legs.  
  
"Why don't you come in?" Fred suggested, smiling and turning to give the crew of the 'Outlaw Star' a shot of what was going on inside.  
  
They only saw two things before immediately declining: bobbing for apples in alcohol, which while enticing, they decided against when one of the bobbers threw up in the bucket; and someone running around with a moose head over his face. It was very entertaining to watch him drunkenly smack into the wall, however.  
-  
Much later that night, Jim sat, peeling the sticky remains of a goatee off his face, wincing as the glue stuck fast to his skin and pulled it off at odd angles. He was sitting next to his sister's girlfriend on the couch at home, who was sleeping soundly on his shoulder and watching as his older brother and sister ran around the company, Gene back in guy's clothing, trying to swat Kou with the black slippers.  
  
"You'll go to Hell for hitting a priest, Starwind! I swear it! Just ask Kurt(6)!"  
  
"Come back here, Hawking, and lemme get a good hit in!"  
  
Aisha and Zurg were curled up on the end of the sofa, the sugar buzz wearing off at about four in the morning. Melfina and Suzuka had long gone seeking their beds. Jim was just up to make sure no one died.  
  
"Jim," Gillium's robotic voice pulled him from watching his siblings try to kill each other.  
  
"Yes Gillium?"  
  
"I still want a cracker."  
  
Jim just blinked at the feathered can.  
-  
1: Please don't ask what they're referring to. It just seemed appropriate.  
2: From Zurg's story, 'Deus ex Machina' ( ). In the character's own words: "Hmm. Well, I am not any kind of humanoid as current science would know it, but rather a complex android. My body is composed entirely of nano robots that were programmed for growth along a fractal curve, and inadvertently assumed a humanoid structure, which I can assume was foreseen by my programmer. Essentially, my body developed like any other animal... I guess that makes me an artificially created humanoid."  
3: The 'spit and prayer' line is originally from 'Artemis Fowl' by Eoin Colfer, but a friend (who is the basis of Taylor) loves to use it. Again, it just seemed appropriate.  
4: Such as Chinese culture! ::puts on a red dress:: I know this for fact, since my fiancee is Chinese.  
5: An actual line said by Nick in 'Trigun.  
6: Kurt would be one of my fiancee's best friends, who's grandfather got the whole family excommunicated from the Catholic Church for hitting a nun. In his defense, however, she hit him first.  
-  
COSTUME KEY (in order of appearance)  
Suzuka--Nun Melfina--Sexy Nurse Aisha--Dog Zurg--Roman, 'Deus ex Machina'  
Taylor--Millie Thompson, 'Trigun'  
Gillium--Parrot Jim--Captain Jack Sparrow, 'Pirates of the Carribean'  
Kou--Nicholas D. Wolfwood, 'Trigun'  
Gene--Standard Cross-dressing Male Fred--Elf (from Lord of the Rings)  
-  
HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYBODY! ::tosses candy:: 


	6. Merry Christmas, Starwind and Hawking

My (very, extremely) belated Christmas gift to everyone, co-written by the one, the only... KOU! (who says 'thanka, thanka)  
-  
The Misadventures of a Rogue Hawking  
by Gracelyn Musica 

Chapter Six  
Merry Christmas, Starwind and Hawking  
-  
The first thing that popped into Gene Starwind's head was "This is going to cost me a lot of money."

The second thing was, "I am so killing those two."

'Those two' would be his business partners, Jim and Kou Hawking. He knew for a fact that it was them; he could hear their voices wafting down from the roof. It was faint, but from across the street he could distinctly pick out their voices singing, Jim's voice a warm baritone while Kou warbled between alto and soprano.

"Hark now hear the angels sing Glory to the newborn King..."

The two had decked out "Starwind and Hawking Enterprises" with white twinkle lights and silver tinsel, green wreaths hanging in all the windows, an electric candle flickering fakely in the center of each green circle. On the rooftop, a single animatronic reindeer lifted and lowered his head over and over, 'grazing' on the cement rooftop. Someone had also lowered the window washer to spray paint "Merry Christmas From" above the painted company logo.

Thus came Gene's third thought:

"Damnit, now I need a drink"  
-  
'Wait, wait, wait,' I hear the faithful fans cry. 'Outlaw Star is based upon Asian cultures, mostly Chinese. The Chinese don't celebrate Christmas!'. Well, my darlings, this is the future, and the merchant giants have won. Christmas is completely commercialized in this day and age, and people celebrate it universally, no matter their race or spiritual belief. For once, the greedy Americans of the past did something right: Christmas is now a time for peace, prosperity, and family.

And if you don't buy that explanation, hey, it's a fanfic.  
-  
Gene Starwind is well known amongst bounty-hunter circles for being stubborn and for not backing down.

Among his business partners, however, he is well known for doing anything to stop a woman's tears. Be they fake tears or not.

So when Gene began chastising the Hawking siblings for decorating the building, all Kou had to do was let her lower lip tremble a little and to tear up just slightly, and the redhead was putty in her hands. All was quickly forgiven with a promise that the two would cover all expenses and put a fresh coat of paint on the building come spring. With that, Kou and Jim set about decorating the inside of the building with a new fervor--after all, the Starwind and Hawking account was footing the bill.

"What exactly is Christmas?" Melfina asked as she watched Gene curse at the Christmas tree, which was tilting in its stand.

Kou looked up from her task of dying requested red and green streaks into Aisha's braid. "Wha?"

"What exactly is Christmas?" Mel asked again, a quizzical look on her face.

"You've never had a Christmas?" Kou asked, looking at Jim.

The blonde shrugged, shifting the boxes in his arms to a more comfortable position. "This is the first year we could actually really afford a Christmas--"

"We STILL can't afford it!" Gene interrupted from the corner.

"--And you know how much Christmas spirit Gene has," Jim continued, rolling his eyes.

"Bah humbug," Gene called again, but this time a cocky grin was plastered on his face. As much as he hated to admit it, he was actually enjoying himself. Thankfully, the tree hid his smile, otherwise the others would never leave him be.

"Christmas is traditionally a Christian holiday," Kou explained to the dark-haired android. "It celebrates the birthday of a man named Jesus, whom Christians view as their Savior and the son of their God. Actually, the date is most likely incorrect; the date was actually selected by the old Catholic Church to coincide with a pagan holiday." When Mel looked confused, Kou gave her trademark smirk. "It was easier to get pagans to convert if major Christian celebrations coincide with major pagan celebrations."

"Gotta love the Catholic Church," Jim interjected, placing the boxes on the coffee table between the two women. He opened them to reveal shiny glass ball ornaments in various metallic colors. "It is customary for family and friends to exchange gifts, since Christians consider Jesus 'God's gift to the World'. However, merchants quickly caught on, and Christmas is now the consumer orgy it is today."

"Stop stealing my metaphors," Kou told him, eyes back to her task.

"You don't have the copyright to the word 'orgy', damnit."

As the Hawkings bickered good-naturedly between themselves, Melfina's eyes gazed over the Christmas ornaments Jim was unpacking from their containers. Most of the balls were resting where they had rolled from the middle of the table, and he was currently unpacking glass figurine ornaments, setting them carefully away from the edge of the table so they wouldn't topple over. One of them caught her fancy, a figure of an elderly, fat man dressed in a red suit with a white beard. A brown sack was slung over his back. "Who is this?" she asked, picking it up and gliding her fingers over the blown glass.

"That is Santa Claus; he's also called Saint Nicholas, after an old Turkish saint," Kou explained. "Children believe that if they act good all year long, Santa will bring them presents."

"Does it only work for children?"

Everyone in the room stopped to look at Mel: Kou with her paintbrush halfway to Aisha's silver hair; Jim with his hand firmly around an ornament, suspended three inches above the plastic concave where it was stored; Gene with his arms above him, pushing on the tree lest it collapsed on his head; and Aisha up from her game, the handheld console beeping to let her know her man was dead.

Kou smiled at Mel. "Have you been good this year, Mel?"

"I think so..."

"Then maybe Santa will bring you something."

"Really!"

Jim looked at Kou as Mel's voice took an excited undertone. The bottle redhead nodded. The blonde leaned in to his sister to speak to her in a whisper as Mel turned to talk to Gene excitedly. "What d'you think you're doing?"

"What? There's nothing wrong with an adult still believing in Santa Claus. Don't you believe anymore, Jim?"

"I haven't believed in Santa since I was six and I caught Dad filling our stockings."

"Tut, tut. You should never lose faith in things. Look at how happy she is." Jim's eyes slid over to Mel, her face flushed with happiness as she chatted from her seat with Gene. "Would you deny her that, Jim?"

"No."

Kou was silent as she slathered green dye into the C'tar-C'tar's hair. "Besides, for all you know there really is a Santa." She smiled kindly as her brother gave her a glare. "Christmas miracles, James."

"Yeah, stuff only for sappy movies and bad fanfiction," the blonde grumbled under his breath as he went back to his task.  
-  
As night fell on Christmas Eve, Kou lit a single candle in the front window.

"Kou? What are you doing?" Zurg asked from his seat at the breakfast bar.

"It's an old Irish tradition: Irish families would light a candle on Christmas Eve, and anyone who approached the door that night was given food, a place to sleep and money upon departure the next morning."

"Who do we know that still knows Irish traditions, much less keeps to them?" Jim asked, popping up from behind the breakfast bar, a hot cookie sheet in his hand.

"Duh, I like, totally know the author."

"The fourth wall's there for a reason," Taylor called out between sips of eggnog.

Kou stuck her tongue out at her girlfriend and shook the match out as the bright orange flame burned centimeters from her fingers.

As per Hawking tradition, everyone was allowed to pick one present to unwrap on Christmas Eve. The eight of them sat around the table with their single present and eggnog, before staring at each other. "Who gets to go first?" Aisha asked, her ears twitching to and fro.

"Rock, Paper, Scissors?" Taylor suggests, holding up her hands, her right hand balled in a fist on top of the outstretched left one.  
-  
After a few rounds, Melfina won, and from there it went clockwise. They were almost completely around the table when there was a knock at the door. Kou opened it into the cold wind and furious flurry of snow to find a tall young man in his mid-twenties, dressed in a nice tailored suit and gripping a briefcase. "Hello, I am so sorry to impose at such a late hour, and on Christmas Eve, but I would like to request a favor."

"Of course, come on in out of the cold," Kou replied with a smile. She stepped aside and he came in, shaking the snow from his black hair and stomping his feet to warm them.

"I have a very strange favor to ask. My name is Timothy Donaldson. My flight off-planet has been delayed due to the storm, so I was wondering if you wouldn't mind terribly letting me stay on your couch for the night? I, of course, would be happy to compensate you for your troubles," he added, a hand going into his coat

Wide grins met the newcommer. "No trouble at all," Kou replied, grabbing Timothy's wrist before he could pull his hand out of his jacket. "And it's Christmas. Now come, sit, and eat with us"  
-  
The next morning was Christmas, and Kou was up with the sun, a stack of wrapped presents in her arms. She had been planning on playing Santa for Mel, but when she went downstairs, she found presents already littered under the tree and on top of the low dinner table. Confused, she scratched her head as she scanned the nametags--all signed in red from "Santa".

There was a note on the breakfast bar, too, with her name written in red. She flipped the folded paper open and read:

"Kou,  
Merry Christmas, sweetheart. I'm sorry I couldn't  
stay too long, but everyone wasasleep. Anyway,  
my brother Cal (you might know him as Timothy)  
says that since everyone was so kind to him, you  
all deserved a treat. See you soon.  
Love, Grace"

Kou smiled to herself, folding the note back up and sliding it into her pocket. Humming 'Greensleeves' to herself, she hid her presents in among the Musica's offerings before starting upstairs. Something, however, caught her eye from the kitchen. Shuffling over, she realized what it was--a slip of paper was on tiled floor. She picked it up and flipped it over.

In what she recognized as Grace's neat, looped handwritting, was a check for two-hundred fifty woolongs.

"Gracelyn Eliza, you psychopath," Kou muttered, starting upstairs to call her friend.  
-  
This is actually inspired by actual events. When I was in first, maybe second grade, my father accidentally recorded himself playing Santa.


	7. Nian Kuaile or Happy New Year

Inspired by my mother's downright adorable first grade class. I was Jim. Kou's class… isn't Mom's. I'm using their obedient doppelgangers. -  
Misadventures of a Rogue Hawking  
by Gracelyn Musica 

Chapter Seven  
Nian Kuaile (or 'Happy New Year')  
-  
"Jim…. I love you."

"What do you want?" the blonde teen asked his sister, not even moving his eyes from the classified section of the latest newspaper. However, he still caught her toothy grin out of the corner of his eye.

"Can you PLEASE please please please please! come to my class tomorrow?"

At that, he put the newsprint down and probed her ice blue eyes. "Kou, tomorrow is New Year's. Gene's actually has a job to work, which means I have to cook with Mel."

"But—"

"Cooking for seven, Kou! Seven!"

"Please! Just for an hour or so—you can spare an hour!"

Jim sighed. He realized that the only way to get any peace was to give her what she wanted, and in all fairness, she only asked for help with work when it was absolutely needed. "What do I have to do?"

Kou clapped her hands. "My babies don't know about Chinese New Year, Jim!"

"My babies" was Kou's first grade class at the local elementary school. Gene and Jim theorized that she was a teacher so she could play all day.

"Most of them don't even know how to use chopsticks, for God's sake. So tomorrow we're having a culture lesson, and we're cooking rice, and making paper lanterns and dragon masks and kites and talk about what we do and..."

"And?" Jim prompted, a sinking feeling gathering at the pit of his stomach at Kou's maniac grin.

"Maybe stir up some trouble."

"I am NOT stealing another ice cream truck for you."

"Spoilsport."  
-  
"Everyone, this is our guest for the day, Mr. Jim Hawking."

"Hello Mr. Hawking!" nineteen voices chirped in unison.

"Mr. Hawking is going to help with part of our class today, so I want everyone on their best behavior."

"Yes Ms. Hawking."

A small hand waved over the sea of first graders. Kou pointed to the small boy in the second row. "Yes, Nathan?"

"You both have the same last name!" the child pointed out, and a few other students nodded in agreement.

"Yes, we do have the same last name," Kou replied, smiling as she put an arm around Jim's shoulders. "You see, Mr. Hawking is my younger brother."

"Oooooooh."

For some reason, Jim felt his face heat up with a blush. Maybe it was nineteen pairs of eyes on him.

"Now class, let's review what we've learned so far. On what day does Chinese New Year fall?"

A small girl with frizzy red hair raised her hand and spoke when Kou pointed at her. "The second full moon after the first official day of winter."

"Very good. What year is this?"

"The year of the Rat!" a few of the students cried out without raising their hands.

"Excellent! And what does the animal mean?"

"It's part of the Chinese zodiac!" a brunette from the back of the class called out while in the process of raising his hand.

"Yes, very good Nick. Now, how many of you are Horses?"

A good portion of the class raised their hands at that. "Wonderful, and the rest of you are…"

"Goats!" the class chimed, laughing.

Kou turned to Jim and smiled. "Well trained little army, don't ya think?"

"Scary, sis," Jim replied.

"Now class, Mr. Hawking is going to teach everyone how to use chopsticks."

The class cheered collectively, and Jim narrowed sapphire eyes at Kou. "What?"

A sweet smile met him as Kou handed him a bowl of rice and a pair of chopsticks. "Shush and teach."

Jim looked at the class, nineteen eager faces staring back at him. All of them had pulled out a pair of chopsticks, and Kou was passing out bowls of rice. Jim gripped the pointed wooden sticks in his hand and coughed.

"Well, uh… You hold one chopstick like a pencil…"

"Like this?"

Jim looked up. The little frizzy-haired girl had asked him the question, holding up the chopstick in her hand as she did so. "Yes, that's right… er…"

'Candy,' Kou mouthed behind the class to him.

"…Candy. Very good."

Feeling helpless, he held his hand up in demonstration while Kou went around the class, helping children adjust their grasp on the wooden stick.

"Then you take the other one and lay it on top like this, and grab the other one like that…"

'This is friggin' hard, man,' he thought to himself, showing the children how to put both of them together. A few kids' faces were showing the same thing, tongues sticking out as they tried to make it perfect.

"Now kids, it won't be perfect the first time," Kou told them as a few of her students came close to tears. "Mr. Hawking has been using chopsticks his whole life, and even he messes up sometimes."

As if on cue, the sticks practically jumped out of Jim's hand and fell to the tiled floor with a clatter. The class giggled, and Kou winked at her brother.

"Your hand shouldn't hurt when you hold them," Jim told the class, bending to retrieve the fallen chopsticks. He quickly fit them into his hand. "You hold the bottom one still and move the top one." Doing so, he opened and closed them as if it was a mouth, and 'spoke' to the kids through them in a deep voice. "It gets a lot easier with practice."

They giggled and tried, and quite a few of them got the hang of it, gingerly dipping their chopsticks into the bowls to grab gobs of sticky rice.

"Also, it's perfectly fine to pick up the bowl and shovel bites into your mouth," Kou added, putting a hand on one boy's head who was trying to use his chopsticks as something more akin to salad tongs. "As long as you take SMALL BITES and don't choke," she continued, leaning over to help the boy. "Bernie, like this, sweetheart."   
-  
Jim ended up staying until the end of class. He watched in amazement from Kou's desk as the sister he knew as annoying as all hell turned into a kind, patient teacher, never raising her voice once and genuinely smiling though the kids' repeated questioning. The last fifteen minutes, the kids packed their new toys in their bags—foldable kites and lanterns made of rice paper and sticks, and crayon-colored dragon masks with yarn strings—and listened to Kou (albeit with a little bit of fidgeting).

"When Mr. Hawking and I around were your ages, every New Year's we would have a biiiiiiig dinner, with lots of rice and dumplings and yummy food that our father would spend all day cooking. We also had fish—you see, the fish is a symbol of good luck for the Chinese. All of our aunts and uncles and cousins would come over to our house and we would eat it all up. Then, after dinner, we kids would go out and play with our kites. When it got dark, the adults would come outside with us and we would all shoot fireworks together to celebrate." She reached under her podium and pulled out a shoebox. "And when we were done shooting fireworks, our parents and aunts and uncles would give us these."

A small red envelope, familiar to Jim, appeared in Kou's hand.

"In these they had money—usually in even numbers or sevens, since those are lucky numbers in Chinese culture. We got one from each family, and from our parents."

The bell rang outside in the hall, signaling the end of school.

"And since you are leaving, my little ones, all of you get one from my family."

The children cheered, obediently lining up at the door. Kou handed each one an envelope, hugged the few that threw their arms around her, before finally shutting the door with a groan. "GOD today was long."

"How much did you give them?" Jim asked, taking an envelope and peeking in.

"Two woolongs each."

"That's almost forty woolongs, Kou."

"Oh, Jimmy, I'm so happy you can do math!" Kou fake-sniffled and wiped her hands over her cheeks. "I'll call Mom and Dad, they'll be so happy!"

Jim stared at Kou. "A ha."

The two Hawking siblings gathered up Kou's things in silence, turned the lights off and closed the classroom door, locking it behind them.  
-  
My husband is six months older than me, which makes him a Rat (or Mouse, as he likes to be called) and me an Ox. Supposedly, it is a good match, zodiac-wise.


	8. The Introduction of Grace Eliza

My birthday was last month, so I have decided to introduce... Myself! Mwahahaha. Let the insanity begin.  
-  
Misadventues of a Rogue Hawking   
by Gracelyn Musica 

Chapter Six  
The Introduction of Grace Eliza  
-  
"Jim! Could you come here, please? There's someone I want you to meet."

Jim Hawking felt a chill go down his spine. The last time someone came over that Kou wanted him to meet someone, an elfin girl by the name of Stephanie had been in the house. The two had nearly burned down the kitchen making something called 'lembas bread' (1) whatever that wasand the brunette had insulted his car, saying it was held together with "spit and prayer". (2)

However, the blonde slapped a plesant expression on his face and entered the house, wiping entine grease from his hand on an equally-greasy rag. Maybe this one would be better?

What met his gaze, however, was not promising: A young woman, maybe two years older than Kou with wild red hair pulled back in a long braid stood next to his sister. She was dressed in what could only be described as 'a blast from the distant past'knee length leather boots; form-fitting dark green pants with a sapphire thigh-lenght skirt over it; a tan tunic underneath a lace-up green corset-looking thing. A wide leather belt contained three throwing knives and a sword, and across her back a bow and quiver of arrows was strapped by another leather belt.

"Jim, this is Grace Musica. Grace, this is my little brother Jim."

Emerald eyes bored into Jim's sapphire blue ones as Grace took the young man's greasy hand. "It's nice to finally meet you. Your sister talks of you a lot." Her voice had a calming quality, and a small smile tugged at her lips.

"Gracie works at a Rennaisance Faire with her family (3)," Kou explained, and Jim nodded. That explained the outfit.

"Aye," the natural redhead replied. "We Musicas are highly sought out for entertainment. I guess that's what we get for having a father who insisted we all know how to handle a blade."

The two girls began to joke and jest between themselves, and Jim found himself hoping that this older woman would be able to keep a rein on his easily-excitable sister.

"So shall we begin?" Grace asked, folding her hands behind her back.

'Begin!'

"Yes! TO THE BOTTLES!" Kou cried, grabbing her friend by the wrist and dragging her into the living room.

"Aw, fucking hell," Jim moaned. "And there go my dreams of a good night's rest"  
-  
Laughter floated thoughout Starwind and Hawking again, jerking Jim from his state of almost-sleep. He rolled over and looked at the red LED light of his alarm clock. 1:41 am. While he was pretty sure he could get the girls to shut up, he was still scarred from the last time he had barged in on two giggling girls.

A little voice in the back of his head argued that Kou was dating someone and wouldn't do such a thing, another one argued that alcohol does wonders for inhibitions. Finally, a third voice crying for sleep won out, and Jim hit his feet, yanked open his door and stormed down the hall.

Empty bottles littered the square table and floor, falling haphazardly here and there as the girls laughed at the flickering television screen.

"Here's a question," Kou asked, mostly to no one in particular. "Since the girl just woke up... Doesn't that make him a pedophile?"

Grace got thoughtful for a second... Well, thoughtful for a drunk person. "Nah, she's a robot, she's programed to act like an adult."

"But still! She just woke up! And he's hitting on her! Pedophile..." (4)

As Jim opened his mouth to yell, the television suddenly cut off, a trace image lingering on the darkened screen. Gene moved in front of the looming black box, his hands on his hips.

"It is 1:40 in the morning. You two have been drinking since 6 yesterday afternoon. You are going to die of alcohol posioning!"

In the hallway, Jim leaned against a wall and crossed his arms. If Gene was saying this, it was serious.

"Ah, move, and turn our show back on!" twin voices piped up, and an empty bottle was flung at Gene. The redhead caught it, casually looking at the label.

"Ladies, ladies, pl... Woah, where the hell did you get this?"

"My younger brother," Grace replied, a small amount of EverClear dripping from the corner of her mouth as she spoke with her lips around the bottle.

"Twin-younger or younger-younger?" Kou asked.

"Younger-younger."

Gene's eyes narrowed. "How did you get this? It's C'tar-C'tar property."

"Marty's wife, my sister-in-law. She's half C'tar-C'tar, her mother sent it to her last week."

"Dude, this stuff's, like, liquid posion," Gene protested.

"But it's really good," Kou protested.

Jim rolled his eyes.  
-  
As the night... well, morning... progressed, Grace and Kou had managed to rope everyone except for Jim into getting drunk. Even poor innocent Melfina had been forced to drink a glass or two.

Which is why when the doorbell rang at ten in the morning, everyone groaned at the sound. Grace buried her face in Kou's shoulder, which she was using in place of a pillow.

"... Grace?"

"Ugh, go away..." the redhead muttered, lost in a dream.

"AUNT GRACE!"

Green eyes snapped open and the swordswoman tumbled off the couch, instantly sober. "Oh, shit."

Everyone in the room began to stir awake. "Wazza matter?" Gene asked, speech slurred with sleep and drink.

Grace crawled under the table. "Hide me, hide me, hide me..."

As Grace scrambled under the square table, two people appeared in the doorway. One was a blonde girl, about Jim's age, and was dressed similarly to Grace. Ehe other was a short young man with spiky black hair and wearing a black cape (5).

"Aunt Grace!" the blonde called, stomping her foot. "Our flight leaves in an hour!"

"Coming, coming, GOD!" came the groan from under the table.

"Uncle Hiei..." the girl whined, and the man rolled his dark eyes.

"C'mon, Grace, time to go," Hiei said, approaching the table and holding a hand out, as if coaxing a dog out of its hiding spot.

The blonde tossed her hair in annoyance and gave Jim a sympathetic look. "I apologize for my aunt, I know she can be a handful," blue eyes dissapeared under blonde bangs as the girl gave Jim a bow.

"Don't worry about it, it wasn't a problem."

The young woman stood straight up and the two looked at one another for a bit, not speaking. Everyone else who was in the room watched them and raised their eyebrows.

"Where are the rainbow bubbles in the background?" Kou wispered to Grace as her husband helped her to her feet.

"Ai ya, my brother is gonna kill me," Grace groaned, running a hand through ragged hair

"Oh, you betcha," Hiei replied.

Grace's niece put out a hand. "Cassandra McKenzie. Call me Cass."

Jim took it, and on impulse kissed the back. "James Hawking."

Across the room Kou made a gagging noise. Grace kicked her in the shin, and the bottled redhead fell to the ground, groaning about needing her insulin shot.

The two blondes kept staring into one another's eyes as empty bottles were collected into Grace's bag.

"Cass. Woo-hoo, Cassandra, we're leaving... CASS!"

Finally, Hiei went over, put an arm around the girl's waist and bodily separated the teenagers, carrying her out the door. Jim's blue eyes followed the two out, and Grace came over, throwing an arm around the young man.

"Now, boyo, I'm not stupid, so here ya go."

Eight strips of paper invaded Jim's field of vision, and he focused on them enough to read the 'Ren Faire' printed on it in big bold letters. He looked at Grace, who's eyes were shining with mischief, and not a hint of booze. "You're sober..."

"It's always more fun to act." Grace jiggled the bag in her hand. "Not a drop was in it, we were just putting on a little show. The mind is an amazing thing, really. However, your business partners will all be hurting when they finally do wake up." One of the eyelids slid down in a roguish wink. "Our next show is on Heifong. I'll expect to see you there, boyo."

A hand ruffled blonde locks as if it had been doing it forever, and Grace went to say a noisy good-bye to his older sister before leaving, the three waving good-bye as they retreated down the street.

The Hawking siblings moved to the kitchen as everyone else sprawled over the couches and floor in the living room. Jim pulled out pans and began preparing breakfast for him and Kou.

"Hey Gene... We've got a job offer on Heifong," Kou called out over her shoulder. She threw a wink Jim's way before continuing. "Grace says their ship's gonna need repairs soon."

"They better pay double for an out-of-the-way job like that," came the pained reply.

Jim banged the pan down on the stove, smirking at Gene's yelp of pain.  
-  
(1) Yes, from LotR

(2) A line stolen from Artemis Fowl, and used by the real basis for Taylor to describe my car. And it's held together by duct tape now, thank you Steph.

(3) My penname was actually inspired by a story (and which Kou will recognize as our RPG games) about a seven-child warrior family called the MusicasCal (eldest son), Grace and Tobias (twins), Ana, Kat and Marty (triplets) and Max (youngest daughter). Marty is married to a C'tar-C'tar in my RPG with Kou.

(4) A real conversation spoken between myself and Kou during an Outlaw Star drinking game (in which Coke was substituted for alcohol). Although for this fanfic, we could possibly substitute OS for Firefly.

(5) From RPG with Kou. Grace is married to Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho. He's just so hot shirtless, you know?


End file.
